1. |
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My first year at school I joined a choir
I was the only one not yet retired
Other kids had sex, I had my music
And I wondered why I wasn’t cool yet
So I quit my second year
Went to parties, drank beer
I peed in banks, committed crimes,
Fell in love a dozen times
I want to sing along to Christmas carols
“Sleigh Ride” makes me fucking feral
But I still care what people think about me
And I’m scared to sing remotely loudly
They’ll think I’m stupid, they’ll think I’m dumb
They want me muted, they want me numb
Songs are just stories, they’re made of words
They’re meant to be heard
I want to write some different lyrics
To write a song and want to hear it
To make a jump and know I’ll clear it
And when I sing, I want to sing out
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2. |
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I’m finally growing up
More confident each passing year
The stuff I was scared about
As of yet hasn’t appeared
Something feels bittersweet
Watching these memories pile up
I’m ticking off victories
But nothing is ever enough
There’s a beauty in the sadness when it comes along
Satisfaction is a sign that something’s wrong
Maybe wanting more
Is what I’m living for
I’m hungry for time with you
Especially whenever you’re near
It’s got me missing you
While you sit right here
I don’t have a choice anymore
Secretly the pain feels good
I said please don’t go
But I knew you would
There’s a beauty in the sadness when it comes along
Just to taste how it’ll hurt me when you’re gone
Maybe wanting more
Is what I’m living for
There’s a beauty in the sadness when it comes along
Yeah I’m restless but at least I’m moving on
If I reach my goal
Or if the trail goes cold
Doesn’t matter if the search is what I want
Maybe wanting more
Is what I’m living for
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3. |
Mary (demo)
03:35
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Mary works behind the bar
You can ask for her number but it won’t get you far
She’ll smile, bat her eyes, take your cash, tell you lies
Put the wind in your sails and then let you capsize
Mary lives in Morris Heights
The walk to the subway gets risky at night
She works, she saves, cuts her legs when she shaves
This city can break you but Mary is brave
When I shake
When everything scares me
I just look at Mary
Men will grab and men will leer
They’ll judge your clothes and your career
And the saddest part is in your heart you know it never changes
Mary fights for a future that never appears
When I’m lost
Worn out and wary
I just look at Mary
When I’m stressed
And feel like I’m buried
I just look at Mary
When I shake
When everything scares me
I just look at Mary
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4. |
The Grind (demo)
03:04
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Every morning is the same
I bring you a coffee and whisper your name
The ritual brightens a part of the day
I can’t explain it
Walk the dog and brush my teeth
I’m knuckling down for a long, crappy week
By evening I’m often too tired to speak
But I won’t retreat
Time is blind
Try not to live in the grind
Time’s not kind
Try to feel good in my mind
By the train there is this guy
Sleeps in the station to keep his clothes dry
I complain about work while he fights to survive
And still he smiles
I close my eyes so I don’t see
A couple of bad years, that could’ve been me
I’m luckier now than I dreamed I could be
I feel free
Time is blind
Try not to live in the grind
Time’s not kind
Try to feel good in my mind
Time is blind
Try not to live in the grind
Time’s not kind
Try to feel good in my mind
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5. |
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Call me more often, leave me alone
Forget my name or give me keys to your home
I’m here when you need me, I’m here when you don’t
I’ll be there to love you when the rest of em won’t
You can move to the forest or go live on the coast
Just don’t lose your dumb humor or your terrible jokes
You can do what you like in this strange little life
Just please don’t change
I try not to text you, I sound too intense
I say when you’re with me my life makes sense
I’m being selfish, I can’t disengage
Need you always around me even if it means caged
Being a friend is like having sex when you’re high
You do it all wrong, but it’s fun just to try
You can do what you like in this strange little life
Just please don’t change
You’ll grow and I’m scared
If I don’t, will you care?
I know it’s not fair
But please don’t change
It’s like I don’t know you, it’s like we just met
You’re as close to perfect as people can get
But there’s something not wholesome, there’s something not right
How the darkness in me is drawn to your light
The way I love you is clumsy and I can’t keep it down
Gives me a lump in my throat just to have you around
You can do what you like in this strange little life
Just please don’t change
Please don’t change
Please don’t change
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