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rewrites (2022)

by Legs Akimbo

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1.
My first year at school I joined a choir I was the only one not yet retired Other kids had sex, I had my music And I wondered why I wasn’t cool yet So I quit my second year Went to parties, drank beer I peed in banks, committed crimes, Fell in love a dozen times I want to sing along to Christmas carols “Sleigh Ride” makes me fucking feral But I still care what people think about me And I’m scared to sing remotely loudly They’ll think I’m stupid, they’ll think I’m dumb They want me muted, they want me numb Songs are just stories, they’re made of words They’re meant to be heard I want to write some different lyrics To write a song and want to hear it To make a jump and know I’ll clear it And when I sing, I want to sing out
2.
I’m finally growing up More confident each passing year The stuff I was scared about As of yet hasn’t appeared Something feels bittersweet Watching these memories pile up I’m ticking off victories But nothing is ever enough There’s a beauty in the sadness when it comes along Satisfaction is a sign that something’s wrong Maybe wanting more Is what I’m living for I’m hungry for time with you Especially whenever you’re near It’s got me missing you While you sit right here I don’t have a choice anymore Secretly the pain feels good I said please don’t go But I knew you would There’s a beauty in the sadness when it comes along Just to taste how it’ll hurt me when you’re gone Maybe wanting more Is what I’m living for There’s a beauty in the sadness when it comes along Yeah I’m restless but at least I’m moving on If I reach my goal Or if the trail goes cold Doesn’t matter if the search is what I want Maybe wanting more Is what I’m living for
3.
Mary (demo) 03:35
Mary works behind the bar You can ask for her number but it won’t get you far She’ll smile, bat her eyes, take your cash, tell you lies Put the wind in your sails and then let you capsize Mary lives in Morris Heights The walk to the subway gets risky at night She works, she saves, cuts her legs when she shaves This city can break you but Mary is brave When I shake When everything scares me I just look at Mary Men will grab and men will leer They’ll judge your clothes and your career And the saddest part is in your heart you know it never changes Mary fights for a future that never appears When I’m lost Worn out and wary I just look at Mary When I’m stressed And feel like I’m buried I just look at Mary When I shake When everything scares me I just look at Mary
4.
Every morning is the same I bring you a coffee and whisper your name The ritual brightens a part of the day I can’t explain it Walk the dog and brush my teeth I’m knuckling down for a long, crappy week By evening I’m often too tired to speak But I won’t retreat Time is blind Try not to live in the grind Time’s not kind Try to feel good in my mind By the train there is this guy Sleeps in the station to keep his clothes dry I complain about work while he fights to survive And still he smiles I close my eyes so I don’t see A couple of bad years, that could’ve been me I’m luckier now than I dreamed I could be I feel free Time is blind Try not to live in the grind Time’s not kind Try to feel good in my mind Time is blind Try not to live in the grind Time’s not kind Try to feel good in my mind
5.
Call me more often, leave me alone Forget my name or give me keys to your home I’m here when you need me, I’m here when you don’t I’ll be there to love you when the rest of em won’t You can move to the forest or go live on the coast Just don’t lose your dumb humor or your terrible jokes You can do what you like in this strange little life Just please don’t change I try not to text you, I sound too intense I say when you’re with me my life makes sense I’m being selfish, I can’t disengage Need you always around me even if it means caged Being a friend is like having sex when you’re high You do it all wrong, but it’s fun just to try You can do what you like in this strange little life Just please don’t change You’ll grow and I’m scared If I don’t, will you care? I know it’s not fair But please don’t change It’s like I don’t know you, it’s like we just met You’re as close to perfect as people can get But there’s something not wholesome, there’s something not right How the darkness in me is drawn to your light The way I love you is clumsy and I can’t keep it down Gives me a lump in my throat just to have you around You can do what you like in this strange little life Just please don’t change Please don’t change Please don’t change

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released December 2, 2022

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